Dolphins and Alligators

Last night I dreamed of dolphins and alligators again. After the news of yesterday, I should have known that I would dream about dolphins and alligators. It always happens this way. I hear news about someone who has died unexpectedly. I reflect upon the life and death of the individual and then I calculate. I calculate the difference between our ages. If the deceased person's age is greater than mine, I calculate how many living years would remain for me if I died at the same age. If I am older than the recently deceased individual is, I calculate the robbed years- the robbed years filled with love, grandchildren, travels, memories, and living moments. I reflect, I cry, I share, I tire, and I dread. I dread sleep and the almost certain dream… the dream of dolphins and alligators.

It seemed to be just another Wednesday. The news was delivered by a friend. When Becky asked if I had looked at the evening's newspaper, I responded, "No, I have been so busy since I arrived home from the National Writing Project at Alabama A&M University that I have not even brought in the newspaper." Next, Becky inquired as to whether I had heard about Buddy to which I offered another "No." Then Becky told me that Buddy had died of a massive heart attack last Monday.

The news of Buddy's death was incomprehensible to me. It seemed unbelievable that Buddy, a man who had carefully focused for years on good health and happiness, had died with no warning. Even though I had not seen Buddy in several months, I could not visualize Buddy absent from life, absent from his wife and adult children, absent from the Huntsville City Schools, absent from the births of his future grandchildren, and absent from his church. As I recalled that Buddy was only 52 years old, I reflected and calculated that if I only lived to be Buddy's age, I had four remaining years of life.

My reflection transformed into the thoughts that would again lead me to dream about dolphins and alligators. What would I do if I knew that only fours years remained for a lifetime? How much life can I live in four years? If I am expecting to live another thirty years, is it possible to compress thirty years into less than one-sixth of the time? What would I change in my life if I knew the exit time?